Well, almost. It’s just a few weeks until we reach our one year mark of being here and I know – most of that has gone un-blogged. It hasn’t been for a lack of desire or much less for a lack of things going on. Heaven knows that’s not true. I think it all started with a thoughtless and rather defensive remark tossed my way at church in response to an earlier post. In that moment it felt like my forum for processing and sharing all of the change and growing pains of moving a young family to the polar opposite side of the planet got blown wide open for criticism instead of simply being able to share what is in my head. I’m also kind of hyper-sensitive to negativity as it relates to my personal thoughts/feelings shared in writing (this all goes back to when the student teacher in Mrs. Burns 6th grade class laughed in my face about my personal essay titled “The Ten Minutes of Time.”) – so this incident at church really struck a nerve. Granted, it was a very emotional/non-logical nerve, but still. If you ever had a rock tumbler as a kid, you have some concept of my last year. The process of refinement and growth is deeply personal and deeply painful. It can be lonely, exhilarating and bizarre before you’ve even hit lunchtime. This year has been a growing and refining experience for me. That’s not to say that it’s been all rough seas and grit but there has been enough processing that I haven’t really felt like laying bare to all the Internet.
However, in going back and re-reading earlier posts, I realised a few things. 1) I want to journal this experience. I am amazed at how quickly memories fade and are forgotten and unless I keep a record in a place where it’s pretty safe, it could all be gone except for a few pictures. An example of this is how our garage flooded shortly after moving back to Houston from Beaumont. My mission journal was in one of the boxes that was drenched and unsalvageable. So, yeah. The Internet is good for that. 2) I should not give away my power because of other’s thoughtlessness. This is MY blog and MY process and that’s about it. Appeasing the masses is above my pay grade. 3) I think what I’ve been lacking is intent and who my audience really is. Now that I feel like I’ve figured that out, I’m pretty excited to reclaim my forum.